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 Ayliea |
Welcome Grandparents |
Lead | ||
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 6527 06/07/05 07:24 Adminstrator |
Hello to all the grandparents out there with a daughter or daughter-in-law who has made ahc. We are all here to support and comfort each other. Please feel free to post at anytime. Please remember that this is a support site, and all of us here are at some stage of grief. Welcome, peace and blessings to you.
 Ayliea - Moderator |
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 D |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #1 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 7 06/09/05 03:17 |
Hi, it is so nice to have this up and running again. I missed it.
So Sunday is my daughter's edd, she is really feeling depressed as she is suppose to start her period on Saturday and is pretty sure she is not pregnant again this month. It is so discouraging for her. I just want everything to be ok. I know they will never be the same but I sure would give anything to have her not hurt so much. This experience has forever altered her, her husband and us, her parents. I am grieving as the edd approaches I find myself dreaming of our little angel boy. Going through this experience with my daughter has been one of the most difficult times in my life. I just want to hold her and kiss away her pain as I did when she was a little girl. All I can do is listen and tell her that I am always here and that I love her. If there are any other Grandparents out there going through this, lets share. It is so hard to explain my feelings to my friends who have not experienced anything like this. I hope to hear from you. D: |
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Ayliea |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #2 | ||
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 6527 06/09/05 07:50 Adminstrator |
Hi D
 Your daughter is very lucky to have such an understanding, loving mother. We all wish her well with her upcoming edd, and many blessings and much peace to you both for this week-end. Ay |
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BUTTERFLY |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #3 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 4 06/09/05 09:39 |
HI, D
I AM NEW TO THIS WEBSITE. I AM SO GLAD TO FIND IT. MY FAMILY AND I ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME GRIEF. WE LOST ARE LITTLE ANGEL BOY ON JAN.11. HER EDD WOULD BE 6/16, THIS WEEK. I AGREE THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT TIMES FOR US GRANDPARENTS. THE GIRLS ARE VERY LUCKY FOR US TO SUPPORT THEM AND LOVE THEM. I WISH WE COULD TAKE THAT PAIN A WAY. WE ARE HOPING AND PRAYING TO BE BLESSED WITH ANOTHER BABY. HOWEVER, WE WILL NEVER FORGET OUR FIRST GRANDSON. PEACE AND LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. BUTTERFLY |
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3sons |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #4 | ||
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 725 06/09/05 10:41 |
Hi D and Butterfly,
Hugs to both of you. What wonderful mothers you are. This will be an especially tough month for you and your families to get through. I am glad your daughters have you to lean on and you can provide support to each other. As well as grieving for the loss of your precious grandchildren it must be so difficult to see your own children's pain as well. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious grandchildren. Meg |
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D |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #5 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 7 06/10/05 07:33 |
Butterfly,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a deep wound it is hard to imagine a time when the pain will be less. Your daughter is truly blessed to have you there for her. How can anyone ever understand this unless you have gone through it. My daughter's edd is on Sunday 6/12. She is having a birthday today and sadness is written on her face. We had hoped to celebrate her birthday, our angel baby boy's, her 1st year wedding anniversary, and my 35th wedding anniversary this month. I don't think any of us is really ready for that, maybe next year will be easier. Thanks for answering, it is nice to know that I am not alone. Blessing and peace to you and your daughter. D
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D |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #6 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 7 06/10/05 07:43 |
Meg,
Thank you for your kind words. I am the one who feels blessed to have such a beautiful wonderful daughter who truly is a mother. For no one but a mother knows love so deep that it enables her to make such selfless heartbreaking choices. I am proud to be her mom. I am grateful for knowing our sweet little angel boy without seeing him, because I know his mom and dad and they are amazing individuals. Thank you again, D  |
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jess311 |
D & Butterfly | #7 | ||
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 4945 06/13/05 07:13 |
D & Butterfly,
It is so wonderful that your daughters have such loving, understanding moms. My mom is in heaven with my daughter. In it's own way that is comforting, but sometimes I wish I had my mom to hold me too. I did tell my dad about this site, but he is the silent type so I doubt we will see him here. I have been very lucky to have him through this as it has also been very difficult for him. I'm glad I am able to hear how you are feeling because it gives me some insight as to what he may be going through. I hope you both find comfort in the fact that you are not alone. You are truely wonderful mothers. Jess Hailey 3/11/05 t-13 |
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BUTTERFLY |
Re: D & Butterfly | #8 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 4 06/17/05 04:49 |
Hi, Jess,
Thank you, for your nice note of support. I am know that men are not as open with their feelings as we females. I am sure your Dad wants to be there for you! My husband does not show his emotions and it drives me crazy because I get to emotional. I guess somebody has to stay strong!! My husband did come to the hospital and did try to offer words of comfort. However, he did not stay with us when our grandson was born due to his work. I think he would have looked at the whole situation with a little more emotion. We did spend some time yesterday with my daughter and son-in-law and mother was with her all day (her edd). Nothing was said about the baby. However, my daughter does not like to talk about anybody"s baby, showers or attend church. I am not sure how to handle this! I feel time will make it better! I hope you are doing well. My prayers and hugs are with you! butterfly |
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D |
Re: D & Butterfly | #9 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 7 06/20/05 05:08 |
Butterfly and Jess,
I read your responce to Jess and I was moved by your honesty. My daughter's edd was last week also. She and her husband came to our home, she purchased a tree and we as a family (her brothers, nephews, sister-in-law, close friends, and parents) planted the tree as a reminder of our angel baby boy. We all said something we were feeling and our dreams for the future. Some what like a memorial service. It was a very emotional time but was also part of the healing process. As I water that tree every day I pray for my daughter, and for my future grandchildren who will one day play on the tree planted in their brothers memory. As we planted the tree we took pictures so that we can compare the growth each year and think about how much growth our little angel baby would be making. My husband was there at the hospital and has been there every step of the way. He is not as open with his feelings either but is such a strong support, our daughter knows she can lean on him and he will always be there. Jess, I'm sure your Dad is hurting also but wants to be strong for you. Men sometimes have a hard time knowing how to respond to what they are feeling. I am glad he was there for you. Butterfly, my daughter also has a hard time coping with friends who are pregnant, she has given herself permission to go through the process of grieving and I say hurray. If she hides her feelings now they will come out later in an unexpected time or way. I will be glad when with time the hurt is not so sharp. Prayers and peace D |
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BUTTERFLY |
Re: D & Butterfly | #10 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 4 06/25/05 10:43 |
D,
Thanks, for the words of encouragement. We have had some talks recently. Some good and some lashing out. I'm trying to stay strong and do lot of listening. I just cannot believe some of the silly and unthoughtful comments people make. This our society today! Peace to your family! Butterfly |
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granmeg |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #11 | ||
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AHC Board Regular
Posts: 23 08/20/05 12:31 AHC Board Regular |
Our loss is so recent, I'm typing through my tears. My heart aches for my daughter and son-in-law who had to make ahc less than 2 weeks ago. I am so glad they allowed me to be with them through their ordeal.
I am also grieveing the loss of my granddaughter who was so wanted and loved by 5 grandparents. My daughter is bearing the pain so her little girl wouldn't have to. 
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64 sue m |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #12 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 5 09/01/05 02:57 |
"New kid on the block"
Hi - it is not a good thing that I am here. I need support. My daughter at 21 weeks received devastating news. She made the "heartbreaking choice." This is just a terrible time in the lives of the whole family. She is facing guilt, sadness, anger...and here I am - helpless. Did you ever hear the expression "You are only as happy as your saddest child?" So true for me. |
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64 sue m |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #13 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 5 09/01/05 03:04 |
Grandmeg: Sounds just like me. I was with my daughter, son-in-law has been great, they were having a little girl. My daughter was 21 weeks. Hardest thing I've ever been through.
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granmeg |
Re: Welcome Grandparents | #14 | ||
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AHC Board Regular
Posts: 23 09/02/05 08:58 AHC Board Regular |
Dear Sue,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am now 3 weeks out, and the pain is very real. I found the best thing I can do is 'listen'. My daughter has found a wonderful counselor who is helping her . She also got a Mother's bracelet with the baby's name which she is now wearing. It hurts, but she is no less a mother because she did what was best for her daughter. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. |
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64 sue m |
Thanks | #15 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 5 09/02/05 10:14 |
Granmeg: Thank you for your prayers. This morning I made a phone call to the cemetery where I think they want the baby (cremated) buried. The next phone call I got was from my daughter - her milk has come in and she is miserable. Cemetery - milk. Something is so wrong about that.
It made me feel good to get your reply. Thank you for "listening." I will keep you and your family in my prayers also. sue |
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OtherSiide |
Re: Thanks | #16 | ||
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 534 09/02/05 10:57 Administrator |
Sue, here is an article that might help your daughter deal with her milk coming in: www.aheartbreakingchoice.com/milk.html
Kindly, Othersiide |
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64 sue m |
Thanks | #17 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 5 09/03/05 08:49 |
Thanks again - all of you - for "listening." I can't imagine girls who have to go through this alone, without the love of their parents. Our daughters are truly blessed (at least in that way).
How does one deal with nosey questions from coworkers, neighbors etc.? I've just been saying "This is too difficult for me to talk about." Amazing, the people who want grusome details. My boss won't stop with the questions. |
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granmeg |
Re: Thanks | #18 | ||
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AHC Board Regular
Posts: 23 09/03/05 10:10 AHC Board Regular |
Dear Sue,
The only thing people need to be tiold is your daughter AND son-in-law lost the baby. (They have both suffered the loss) NO detaills are necessary. If you wish to add a little more, tell them it was a major genetic/chromosomal problem. There are a few of my friends who know more of the details, but it is really nobody's business. I have given my rabbi a little more information with the understanding he can use me as a resource which we pray will never be needed. It is a very painful experience for all of us, and I confide only in my closest friends where I know I will get the utmost support. My love to you and your family. |
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mimi |
To Everyone | #19 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 15 03/10/06 08:42 Newcomer |
It is so amazing to enter this site and hear all these stories at once! I could use most of the same words all of you use. We lost little Eli on December 27. (We learned on Dec. 22 that something was wrong.) Watching our beloved daughter and son-in-law go through this incredible decision and loss is certainly the deepest most profound pain we have ever experienced. It sat like a physical weight in my chest for weeks. There is so much familiar from all of you. I feel welcome here. We have all been "baptized into the sacrament of suffering." Even though I have two beautiful granddaughters, that does not replace the loss of our first grandson. Blessings to you all, Mimi
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sallyfriedman |
Re: To Everyone | #20 | ||
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AHC Board Regular
Posts: 25 05/06/06 08:22 AHC Board Regular |
My daughter and son in law's ahc was a week ago today. We're all still crying. This little girl was their first baby and my first grandchild. There is no doubt in any of our minds that they made the right decision, but the fact that the decision had to be made is just so difficult. There's a lot of "why me" asociated with the loss of a child, especially when you look around at all the celebrities who have healthy babies and probably won't bring them up right.
We have been fortunate in that anyone who disapproves of their decision has had the good grace to keep their mouth shut. Most of the people we know have adamantly supported their decision. I can empathize with her to some extent. In 1972 my first, a boy, was stillborn. Not ahc--we didn't have that option then. Nothing wrong with him. A perfect little boy with a malformed placenta. His life support was literally cut off. She wants to get pregnant again right away and I've warned her that trying too hard to get pregnant is an excellent form of birth control. Anyway, I hurt for both my little girls. |
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