New to board having a hard time

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vhcredgrandma	New to board having a hard time		Lead	[-]
Posts: 2 11/11/06 12:42 Newcomer	Tags : None I am having a really hard time tonight. I have two daughters, both were pregnant. One for the first time and one for the second time. In May my daughter Crystal was 5 1/2 months pregnant with her first child and he, Nathan, was diagnosised with PKD, she had to terminate her pregnancy. She lives in California with her husband and I live on the east coast with her dad. We flew out to be with them and we were present and the birth and death of our grandson, Nathan. Our other daughter Heather just gave birth 10 days ago to her second child, Alexis, our 3 rd grandchild. I am so happy that Alexis is healthy and here, but I am so sad tonight for the one that should be here, Nathan. i have cried all day and can't talk to anyone about it. I did talk to Crystal breifly on the phone and she told me about this site. So here I am Heartbroken in Maine, Vickie
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henchperson	Re: New to board having a hard time	#1	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 1131 11/11/06 12:50 Don't Mess With Me	That sound really hard - you want to be happy about your new grandchild, you mourn the one that's lost; you want to be excited for one child, but you're grieving with the other. I don't have any words of wisdom. I'm just really glad you care enough to be conflicted. That sounds weird, I know, but it means so much to those of us who've terminated a pregnancy to know that our parents support us and grieve with us, without judging us.
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kgcitygal	Re: New to board having a hard time	#2	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 5367 11/11/06 08:29	Vickie, I am so sorry for your loss. It is very hard to grieve and celebrate simultaneously--this must be so hard for your whole family. My Mom is about the only person who, over a year later, even acknowledges that I had and lost a daughter, and it means the world to me. I still think of my baby girl very often, even though I have time and distance from my termination. She lives on in my heart and I will always remember her; she was my first child, and the first granddaughter in the family. I have let my Mom know that you posted and I'm sure she will post to you. Please be gentle with yourself--you daughters are very lucky to have a Mom who cares so much. Please keep posting here. The ladies here are wonderful, kind, generous spirits who will offer you much love and support. Peace, love, and hugs, Karin
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granmeg	Re: New to board having a hard time	#3	[url]	[-]
AHC Board Regular Posts: 23 11/11/06 09:52 AHC Board Regular	Vicky, I am SOOO sorry for your loss, and maybe I'm the only one who understands how conflicted you are. Dealing with the joy and grief of your two daughters is stressful, to say the least. After my dd made ahc, I had a very difficult time accepting the loss of my granddaughter. I had two beautiful, healthy grandsons, but that didn't make it any easier - my granddaughter was gone and I had so looked forward to meeting her. Please let yourself grieve your loss. Read the threads on this site, and do what feels right for you. I wrote letters to my granddaughter, and knit 'afhans for angels' with a passion. Take the time to mark your loss in any way that is meaningful for you. Just know others also grieve your loss because it hurts sooo much. Please feel free to ez mail me if I can be of help, and share your feelings with both your daughters. The bond between sisters is very close, and I'm sure Alexis' mother is also having some confliting feelings right now. Wishing you peace and love, Margaret
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vhcredgrandma	Thank you	#4	[url]	[-]
Posts: 2 11/14/06 08:42 Newcomer	Hi Thank you everyone for your support. I am in a much better place tonight. Friday was really rough. It was so rough I ended up in the ER Saturday afternoon with chest pain and spending the night for observation. All my test came back negative. They want me to have a stress test at some point. Tonight I can look back and see that it was probable all stress and that I am OK heart wise. I was just kind of overwhelmed with grief and life. I am trying to figure out how to take better care of myself. I always seem to be running. My daughter who just had the baby has needed me for the last 2 months. she had problems with her pregnancy. I think it was stress related to her sister's loss. I have to start finding time for me. Thank you again everyone. Vickie
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DaughtersMom	Re: Thank you	#5	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 5 12/10/06 09:47 Newcomer	I'm so sorry about your loss of your grandson. We all feel our losses acutely.. that's why we visit this site. My daughter lost her son last May due to hydrocephalus. My husband and I still mourn her loss and ours. Our daughter has chosen not to have another child soon, but our son and his wife are trying. I know we'll have those same feelings when we do get our grandchild. This site is great......... people are very helpful and supportive. Hugs to you, DaughtersMom
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KatyF	mimi	#6	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 1 05/13/08 08:39	Dear Heartbroken in Maine, I have been this route. Our second daughter Carly lost her son Eli at 7 months. We went with her to Kansas to terminate this pregnancy. It was a life-changing experience for all of us. This was three years ago in December-just before Christmas. They now have a healthy baby girl who is 15 months old and a blessing to our family after our visit to hell. We have three granddaughters, but always remember that lost grandson. I am finally able to write about this loss. Please write back. This website was a great support to our daughter and also to me during this awful time. My thoughts are with you. Peace, Mimi If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret
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