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Jay,

This is very difficult for many of us to discuss openly. As parents/grandparents, we really don't know how to approach the ones we love at such a time, and we too are grieving the loss of a longed for and loved baby.

First we have to be able to accept what has happened and find our own support network to help us through everything before we can be of any use to our children.

I know I had a hard time myself when my daughter was struggling with her grief, but I did let her know she could call me ANYTIME and just talk. I really couldn't say much, but she knew I was ready to listen. many times we just cried together and it was therapeutic for both of us. As parents, we want to 'make it better' and we can't. Some of us try to pretend it's OK to 'move on' rather than deal with the emotions we feel. By dealing with my daughter's grief and mine, we came through it together.

You might try to draw out your mom by asking her how she is dealing with her loss - and she has had a loss, whether she's willing to talk about it or not.

Let your family know about this website, and this forum in particular. Some of us have descibed in detail our process for 'letting go' and paying tribute.

It did take a little time for me to be able to openly say that my dauighter and son-in-law had terminated the pregnancy. Feeling able to trust those around us to be comforting and non-judgemental is the first step, but sometimes a very difficult one, depending on the community and religious practices of those around us.

I do hope you find the support you need from your family. I'm sure they are also struggling and don't want to add to your stress. Just let them know you need them to show they care and you are all going through this TOGETHER. My DD would call and I'd listen and we'd cry. It was therapy for both of us.

Please take special care of your DW. You will need to lean on each other for some time to come.

and peace to you and your DW,
Granmeg