My friend just lost her baby - Out in the Open - Public Forums - A Heartbreaking Choice - Message Board - Yuku

0 Kudo

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

My friend just lost her baby

Author	Comment
zsfauxaunt	My friend just lost her baby		Lead	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 1 06/20/08 08:42	Tags : None Let's see. I am trying to figure out how to write this post. I guess I will use the next few seconds to explain. One of my dearest and closest friends (and her husband) just had a miscarriage while she is overseas. She will be back on Monday. I am her sons "aunt" and they are my son's godparents. I mean REALLY close friends. When she found out she was pregnant, she was ecstatic. Because I have been telling her I was ready for her to have another baby, she was most looking forward to telling me. It was a total surprise, as it wasn't a planned pregnancy. There are no words for how excited I was about this baby!!! It might as well have been mine. I have been diagnosed with something, and the doctors say I won't be able to have any more kids. That just adds to my excitement. So now, there is no more baby. I am so sad. I know all the "doctor" reasons. But those really aren't a comfort, are they? (They wouldn't be to me) Please tell me what I can do for her. Something that lets her know I acknowledge this loss for what it is, the loss of a very wanted, very loved child. And yet encourage her that she has no reason to not be able to conceive and carry another baby to term, and have a happy healthy loved baby. Please tell me what (few) good reactions people had, that were the most comforting. I thank you in advance for your reading this, and taking the time to formulate a reply.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
sadmom74		#1	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 106 06/20/08 08:56	thank you for coming here--what a wonderful friend. One of the things I have realized here is that everyone's grief process and everyone's needs are so different. I can only tell you about what I needed! I have 3 LC's and they kept me very busy. I had a few special friends rally around me. some asked "what can i do?" others just said sorry. any acknowledgement was helpful. I was in desperate need of casseroles in the beginning. I am not sure that I wanted to hear about having another baby right away--i think that will comelater. there is a website for commerative jewelry which I also think is very nice ( haven't decided what i'll get yet) I think right now, you just need to let her talk, cry reassure her that whatever she's feeling it's okay to feel. may you find the answers you're looking for and thank you for being such a great friend kristin
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
Ayliea		#2	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 5243 06/20/08 10:14 Adminstrator	zsfauxaunt - what a friend you are, most people barely recognize m/c and pregnancy loss, but to care enough to ask what to do for your friend is very special. I do have to ask though, since this is a site for terminating a pregnancy due to a poor prenatal diagnosis or for the mother's health, did your friend miscarry or tx? It's okay either way, but if she had to terminate for a ppd she is eligible to join our boards. As for what you can do to help, first - just acknowledging her loss and being there for her is a HUGE support. Also, as Kristen mentioned there are several sites for m/c memorial jewelry on line, and that is a very touching thought for anyone who has experienced a loss. Mostly, just be there for her. Don't say things like "You can always have another" - even though it might be true, that isn't comforting when you've just lost a much wanted baby - this baby! Just tell her you're sorry for her loss - that alone means so much! Be kind to yourself as well, you are very kind to be there for her - be sure to be there for yourself. Wishing you and your friend all the love and comfort during her loss. Ay "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love." Washington Irving
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
zsfauxaunt		#3	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 2 06/20/08 10:26	Ayliea- You know, I was referred to this site for pg loss. She is overseas, so I don't have all of the specifics. I think they had to do something, but she was in the process of losing already. So now I might just totally be in the wrong place. For that I apologize. How rude that could come across... Thank you two ladies for your input, it IS greatly appreciated.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
Ayliea		#4	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 5244 06/20/08 01:02 Adminstrator	It's not a problem or rude at all, I just wanted you to know that if she is interested in membership, she must have made the heartbreaking choice to end her pg. Losing a much wanted pg - no matter how it's lost is a terribly difficult thing to go through (unfortunately I have both made an AHC and had a m/c) so I understand that both are tremendously difficult. If she has tx, please refer her to us for membership; if not there a number of m/c loss support sites available: Miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss Board The Compassionate Friends M.I.S.S. Foundation Thank you for being such a good friend to her - she will need her true friends. Ay
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Quick Reply