My baby was diagnosed yesterday with spina bifida. My husband and I have been agonizing about what to do since then. We have decided to terminate the
pregnancy. I have asked my husband if we can name the baby but he thinks that is weird and said it would make it harder for him. Did anyone else have this
experience? I feel like he is a person and deserves to have a name even though he is only 17 weeks. I hate referring to him as "the baby" and
"he". thanks
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did you name your baby?
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 littlebirdoz |
did you name your baby? |
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Posts: 1 04/18/08 07:38 |
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 Ayliea |
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Posts: 4768 04/18/08 07:54 Adminstrator |
Dear littlebirdoz (((Hugs)))
I am so sorry to hear that your baby has a ppd, but your choice to spare him suffering is the kindest most loving gift you can give him. Yes, I named my daughter...she had a name almost from the time of conception - she was our little "Drew" - we didn't know then if she was a he or a she, but we knew that he/she was "Drew". Naming is a personal thing - if you don't name your baby does that make him/her any less real? No, but for me, and many others naming was a way to confirm that my daughter DID exist and that she WAS real. I also had an early m/c (lost my twins at 5 weeks) but I did not name them - I had names picked out, but I didn't "give" them names like I did DrewAnne. I think it's up to you and your dh - if YOU feel like it is what you need to do, then name your baby - he IS real, he DOES exist and he IS important to you. The choice to spare him from a lifetime of suffering does NOT make him any less real. I am sending you much love and peace as you go through this ordeal. If you would like access to the Main Private forum, please follow the instructions listed here and I will get you added. Peace and love to you,
Ay
DrewAnne Lillie 3/30/05 T-21 Failed IVF (Boy) 10/11/06 Chemical Pg (m/c) IVF 2 Boys 12/27/06 Failed FET 7/6/07
Last Edited By: Ayliea 04/18/08 07:57.
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tristesse68 |
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 3395 04/18/08 07:57 AHC Veteran |
First of all, I am very sorry for your news.
I wanted to name our baby, my DH (dear husband) did not. I think for him it made the baby even more "real" (after all, he did not feel the baby move as I did) and the termination more painful. I named him myself, but never shared his name with my DH, at his request. We've been OK with that. But I will also add that we don't about it unless I need to. He just doesn't. It's been over 2 years and I have learned to accept that this is how he is going to deal with it and if my way is different it's just that. Different. Good luck with everything. Please apply for membership if you feel it would be helpful to you. Sometimes I think it's very useful to know you aren't the only one, and that what you are feeling is totally normal. Big hugs, C |
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Anna313 |
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 30 04/19/08 02:12 |
Hi,
I'm so sorry to hear about your baby. My heart goes out to you and your dh at this time. When my son was delivered (at 19 weeks, 6 days) I wanted to name him but my husband did not (he has been trying to make it all less real). I asked if it was ok if I named him and dh said he didn't want him to be named after him like we had originally planned (the men in his family have the same name but their own nickname, we were still deciding on the nickname). I named him Toren, which was my favorite candidate for a nickname. When we talk about it dh calls him "the baby" (and so do I since I try to stay in dh's comfort zone while discussing it) but I use his name when I journal or write here; no one else knows his name but that's ok with me. I hope you and your husband find a compromise concerning naming your baby that brings each of you the most comfort as possible. |
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Fiona Flea |
did you name your baby? | #4 | ||
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 121 04/19/08 06:13 AHC Veteran |
Last Edited By: Fiona Flea 06/03/08 02:17.
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DebbieKL |
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Posts: 8 04/29/08 01:20 |
Last Edited By: DebbieKL 04/29/08 01:24.
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babyorbust |
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Posts: 28 05/06/08 05:20 |
I also tx'ed for spina bifida at 22 weeks. This is probably a small comfort, but at least yours was diagnosed at 17 weeks.
As for naming the baby, we never did. The hospital had to have a name, so our last name was used. As others have said, it is a very personal choice. My EDD is coming up, and I do want to commerate the day our daughter was supposed to be born. We are going to plant a tree, I think. |
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annabell |
help. trouble getting on the private forum | #7 | ||
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Newcomer
Posts: 2 05/19/08 06:26 |
I so need support. can you help. I need to get on the private forum. I have been trying to get counceling. I need to talk about my/our ahc, but I can't
even mention it to my husband. I don't want to burden him. His father is very ill cancer, I don't want to put any more stress on him than needed. I
just feel so alone and so much I need to say but no one to say it to. help if you can. I followed all 3 steps for the private forum. when will I know.?
help.
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mama247 |
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Posts: 8 05/19/08 08:46 |
littlebirdoz wrote: My dh did the same thing when I stated, I named the baby Heaven. If he doesn't like it too bad. I need to personalize this baby and have done so. So, what is baby's name? I'd love to hear. Hugs to you. Annabell, I hope you're active now so you can see additional posts in the private forum. |
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littlebirdoz |
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Posts: 2 05/29/08 02:07 |
His name is Owen.
mama247 wrote:
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CopingInCT |
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Newcomer
Posts: 9 06/02/08 08:06 Newcomer |
We had a diagnosis of Spina Bifida two years ago, after multiple tests and seeing a number of specialists we also decided on termination at 23 weeks. We never
considered naming. We were on the same page...so it worked out OK for us.
So sorry you had to go through this. |
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adyson07 |
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AHC Veteran
Posts: 1043 06/07/08 09:07 AHC Veteran |
We had our little girls name picked out almost from the time we found out we were expecting. We did have to complete a birth and death certificate in order to
have any type of funeral arrangements. We chose to have her cremated and now she is always with us. I think naming is a personal decision, but for us, she
already had a name.
adyson07 |
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Mob |
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AHC Board Regular
Posts: 32 11/04/08 10:21 |
We had the name Robin picked out already, and kept that choice. It was mentioned to us, what if we want to use that name later? But someone on another thread
mentioned naming another child after Robin, and I'd be ok with that.
One problem I had was that since I went out of province to tx, and DH stayed home to work, officially I couldn't give Robin DH's last name. The rules in Alberta say without DH's signature, baby could have both our last names, or just mine, but not his alone. My sister "faked" his signature, so Robin has DH's last name. I'm glad we thought of this ahead of time, because it would have bothered me if the name wasn't right. martha |
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- Joining AHC
- Out in the Open
- Grandparents' Discussion Area
- Discussions/Links to Pro-Choice Election Information
- A Heartbreaking Choice - Main Private Forum
- Subsequent Losses
- Spirituality & Religion After AHC
- AHC Personal Stories
- The Dads' Forum
- Trying To Conceive
- Conception Issues
- Subsequent Pregnancy Discussion
- Adoption Issues
- Parenting After AHC
- New Arrivals: Our Post-AHC Babies
- Life After AHC
- The Porch
- Child-Free/Done with Childbearing
- Pro-Choice Discussion
- Forty Plus General Chatter
- Help Files
- Administration Discussion
