Ignorant comments?

0 Kudo

Author	Comment
SLK7997	Re: Ignorant comments?	#81	[url]	[-]
Posts: 22 02/12/07 02:37 AHC Board Regular	Hi ladies, I'm new here too, and this is my first post (tx 1/20/07, T21 and addt'l problems). While I have heard the gammit of, "you're young" (from my mom and plenty of others)(i'm 27) and "you can always try again", and even "you guys are making the right decision" (from my dad) and "it could be worse" Because I know the people who said them and understood that there was nothing but love and support behind them, they didn't get to me, the one that did however came last night from a friend of a friend: She had gotten pg this past fall and decided right away to tx (which I totally support a woman's right to choose) so she was pg 6, 7, maybe 8 wks tops, says to me "I know how you feel" Really?!!??!! You do??!! Oh that's right, because you heard your baby's heartbeat, and felt him move and prayed to God that the tests were all wrong. And I'm sure you have a crib at home waiting for that baby that you don't ever get to bring home from the hospital too, don't you. I'm not sure why, but hers out of all the comments just sent me into the "anger" stage of grief Also, I'm so sorry for all the ignorant comments that the rest of you have had to deal with, especially the ones that came from close family and friends. SK
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
mycharmedgirls	Re: Ignorant comments?	#82	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 1263 02/20/07 01:17 AHC Veteran	SK, My mom said the same crap to me too. I went off the deep end on her and you have every right to be really pissed. It isn't the same and anyone who thinks that is clueless.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
rickralf	Re: Ignorant comments?	#83	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 129 03/05/07 10:31 AHC Veteran	the most insensitive comment i can remember is when one of my best friends from high school said to me, "did he look normal?" of course there was the n/c comments regarding "i know how you feel, i lost one too". the 2nd most insensitive was from my sil's husband, "just spoil dd..." as if that would make ds come back!! H-E-L-L-O!!! Oh, well.... in his defense he is an idiot!!! rickralf dd 2000 ds tx '04 OEIS complex ds 2005
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
lilredhead77	Re: Ignorant comments?	#84	[url]	[-]
Posts: 6 03/06/07 03:37 Newcomer	As I told my best friend that I had "lost the baby" (DH and I decided not to tell anyone but my family about AHC, we tx'd for T21 / Heart Defect at 26 weeks along) she began to cry for me and said "It's a blessing in disguise". I know she meant well, but it felt like someone was punching me in the gut as she said it.... My husband's uncle told my father "They're young, they have plenty of time to have other kids". (I'm 29) This coming from a man who himself had a stillborn child! As if having more kids could possibly replace our angel we just lost... Another close friend of mine recently had a miscarriage at 2 months pg. She continually tells me that she knows how I feel, and then proceeds to discuss how hard everything has been on her. Repeatedly. I'm sorry, but miscarrying at 2 months pg is NOT the same as having a stillborn at almost 7 months when I had to go through L & D...Granted, she doesn't know about AHC but it still hurts to listen to her... I know people mean well but SHEESH!!!
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
Ayliea	Re: Ignorant comments?	#85	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 6527 03/07/07 09:22 Adminstrator	People who have not been through ahc just do NOT understand, and no matter how "well meaning" they are, some comments just hurt. Today I was talking to one of the supervisors where I work. He is a very nice man and very compassionate, but he is an idiot when it comes to saying the wrong thing. I recently had a chem pg/miscarriage and have been having a little trouble because I cant conceive naturally. He said "Why don't you just come to terms with not having children?" granted I HAD come to terms with not having children before I got pg with my ahc daughter. The fact that I was even able to get pg with her was a miracle, but to tell someone who WANTS children desperately and can't conceive naturally to "just accept it and move on" um how do you say I-D-I-O-T in a politically correct manner? Ay DrewAnne Lillie 3/30/05 T-21 Failed IVF (Boy) 10/11/06 Chemical Pg (m/c) IVF 2 Boys 12/27/06
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
SLK7997	Re: Ignorant comments?	#86	[url]	[-]
Posts: 22 03/11/07 09:23 AHC Board Regular	Got another dose of ignorance today!! A close friend was having a birthday brunch and another close friend of ours came with her newborn, which I thought might happen. P, who's b-day it was, her mom when she saw me gave me a big hug (and you know how those mom hugs just make you lose it) and told me how sorry she was etc... That was all good and fine, but then when L showed up with her baby (who happened to be born the same day we tx'd so it is that much harder to see her), P's mom just kept saying how "perfect" she was, and asked me if I wanted to hold the baby. As much as I did want to hold her, we were at a celebration and I had already cried twice, and I was afraid if I held the baby I would just lose it. I do really think this was a case of ignorance, but I expected a little bit more sensitivity from P's mom. She kept telling me to pray, but then tried to put a newborn in my arms?? What was she thinking? SK
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
lebell	Re: Ignorant comments?	#87	[url]	[-]
Posts: 30 04/20/07 06:19 AHC Board Regular	I just had to add my own to this forum. Three days after delivering my son at 22 weeks I went to kindergarten as it was my daughter's last day before we moved to another area and it was also her birthday. I asked the teacher (and I am a teacher!) what I could do to help and she asked me to dress the dolls in the dolls corner! Most of the dolls were the size of my precious boy and although I did the job I burst into tears as soon as my husband came to get us. I probably shouldn't have gone but I wanted to make the day special for my little girl after the trauma she had been through. The teacher is a lovely lady and was probably mortified in hindsight! Also while waiting for my amnio results my sister, who was pregnant, rang me crying because she was having a third girl! My Mother 3 days after AHC - "Look your tummy's going down!" And she patted it!
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
Corwins Mama	Re: Ignorant comments?	#88	[url]	[-]
AHC Board Regular Posts: 61 05/04/07 07:10 AHC Board Regular	The day after our son was born, my father, stepmother and sister (all of whom we see maybe twice a year) showed up on my doorstep unannounced because they were on the way to the airport to drop my sis off (I didn't even know she was in town until after I got out of the hospital). We had dismantled the doorbell and turned off the phone because neither of us was up to dealing with ANYONE. My dad left a nasty message (while he was standing on our front porch) on the machine aimed at my DH that they're "the family" and have a right to "share your grief". Even though they were nowhere to be found when we announced the pregnancy, or later the diagnosis or when we told them our decision. Needless to say, we haven't spoken to them since. The best comment so far has been from one of DH's coworkers (only his boss knows it was AHC, everyone else thinks it was a m/c), who came up to him and told him that if he needs to talk he was there, that they'd lost 4, 3 to m/c and one AHC (they have 2 living DS).
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
MazzyStarz	I'm new: RE: Ignorant comments?	#89	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 18 05/06/07 07:45 Newcomer	I just had a D&E 5 days ago. Our little girl was 20 weeks and was diagnosed with T21. We have a 21 month old son, who has helped me cope tremendously. In regards to comments, I am not looking forward to returning to work for this reason. I work as a computer teacher P/T in a Catholic School. I am going to try to prepare myself for some stupid comments this week since they don't know we TX because of T21. My babysitter and I finally talked tonight after I left her a message that we "lost the baby" and that our son wouldn't be coming to daycare for a few times. So, upon asking me what happened, she proceeded to tell me "oh, you'll have other children." I told her that I think we may only have Lucas and we may not try again. She says "Oh, you feel that way now. You'll change your mind." The part that bugs me is that we chose not to tell people it was OUR choice, so when they say something stupid it's only beacuse they don't know. But it still doesn't make me feel any better. Oh, and how about this.... it's 5 days after my surgery to TX and my mom still has not come to visit me. She has said some dumb stuff to me on the phone so maybe I'm better off. The best was when she said "Well, at least you both agreed on the termination." Yeah, it was so much fun agreeing. Stacey Baby Girl, TX 5/1/07 T21
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
zoe 2007	Re: Ignorant comments?	#90	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 203 05/14/07 08:51 AHC Veteran	My personal favorite is having people tell me that the reason this is so hard for me is because of "hormones" and that I should feel better soon when my body is "back to normal." As if making AHC wasn't a good enough reason to grieve!
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
mjoh	Re: Ignorant comments?	#91	[url]	[-]
Posts: 6 09/25/07 06:28 Newcomer	The most outrageous comment I got was when someone from my church asked me, before we tx'd, if anyone was pressuring me into my decision and when I said no, then launched into a political tirade about how "those conservatives" might try to stop me, and then he told a story about a HORSE abortion that "some conservatives" tried to prevent a verterinarian from performing. I also share my tiny office with a woman who is due in december, and it's killing me. It's just the two of us in this little room and she works for me. Before my NT test, we had a silly sign on our door with a picture of two pregnant women back to back and our names under each. It said "Welcome to your blond, knocked up IT Department." "How badly do you want that computer fixed, anyway?" Obviously, the sign came down. Right after my "pregnancy loss" was official and I returned to work, she and I were talking. I said I had a lot to drink the two days following the loss, just wanting to be numb. She said "Oh, I can't wait till I can have a drink again!" UGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My former boss, a man with an 8 year old daughter and 3 year old son said, after I told him the full story, "Oh, if it makes you feel any better, we don't tell anyone but my wife and I ended a pregnancy between the two kids because the timing wasn't right. So we've been there." WHAT?!?!? YOU HAVE NO FLIPPING IDEA, BUDDY. The TIMING wasn't right?!? My neighbor who I didn't intend to tell the whole story to seemed to pump it out of me in a moment of weakeness. I'm still not sure how that happened. Our baby had T21 with a huge 7mm septated cystic hygroma from the top of her head to her butt. He lectured me on the "Sovereignty of God," (he's a religious wing-nut do-it-yourself minister) told me how his kids were all supposed to die in utero but he knew better, and how there's a new diet that's really effective at treating down syndrome. After we tx'd we lied and told him at our next appt there was no heartbeat. I still feel horrible and wrong about that, but we live right next to each other and I was actually worried about retaliation. He's a fanatic and activist and there's just no talking to someone like that about this. Ironically, it's my own church family that is the most supportive and the ones we really chose to tell the whole truth to. Some people just cannot understand, but our church family is, aside from a few simply dense people, amazing. This is my first post here and I've only had a short time to read today, but I have been so comforted and relieved to find such a group of people who are going through the same thing and on the same page! I'm just sorry we are all here because it just totally, totally SUCKS. But good to not be so alone anymore.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
blackgemrose		#92	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 3 06/03/08 04:22	My best friend signed off on her sympathy card With love from (names edited) Tracey, David, Karla, Shelly and baby #3 She just couldn't resist rubbing it in the fact that she was having another baby. As if I could be happy for her! Another good one... "It takes a woman of certain faith to carry to term a baby with a fatal birth defect". Rubbish!!! I think it takes more faith and selflessness to return your much wanted and loved baby to God. I chose to suffer so my baby wouldn't. I consider it selfish to hold onto a baby that is going to suffer unecessarily. The worst one would have to be "I know" All I can say is Arrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh you don't know. no one knows!!! There are many many others but these would be the top 3
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
sadmommabb	ridiculous "comfort"	#93	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 2 07/02/08 06:44	i haven't had any advice, but i received a cookie bouquet after my procedure - it made me really angry because it was turtle shaped cookies, that were smiling, with a sign that said "speedy recovery." i didn't have my appendix out. i didn't have the flu. it added and fueled my anger and didn't help one single bit.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
MANDYMAY		#94	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 3 09/15/08 11:43	I remember how insensitive the Consultant (a women) was when delivering the news that our baby twins had major prob and that they wouldnt have survived birth ,she reeled off what was wrong with them (which we gathered cause we were kept waitng at hosp frm 10.30am till 5.30pm)then had the gall to pass us a post mortam leaflet ,she didnt even give us time to digest our news .Other omments we have had are "least you got your daughter,could be worse "or "it wasnt meant ot be " or "its for the best " Best for who ?????? I could thump people honestly !!!!
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
tberrybaby2		#95	[url]	[-]
AHC Board Regular Posts: 28 09/15/08 06:31 AHC Board Regular	I have two nice ones. My coworker (who says she is my best friend).......said to me two weeks to the day when dh and I sent David to heaven "I didn't think you would be this upset". The same day my boss said to me after I had asked for one more week off "we will have to talk when you get back about you continuing to work here". I love my job, but I dislike the people I work with.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
phila09		#96	[url]	[-]
Newcomer Posts: 5 09/18/08 12:09	today i got a card in the mail with a little cartoon ducky wearing red rubber boots and carrying an umbrella. it said "sorry you're under the weather." hello? first off, the couple who sent it are both physicians and have two kids of their own, so i would have expected a little more compassion. second, they have known about our loss for a month now so i suppose they could find time to get to the hallmark store to find something more appropriate. we lost our daughter at 22 weeks, not broke a toe. yellow ducky, my arse. the most outrageous (and i will only post this in this forum and never speak it aloud b/c i am terrified the sender will think i am openly mocking his well-intentioned gift) was a group of poems my DH's cousin sent. now, granted, he is truly a lovely and kind man and meant very well. but they were poems he composed about the loss ... of HIS CAT. i know he loved his cat. but it was a CAT. anyway, of all the sympathy cards we got i think this cheered me up most b/c i was laughing too hysterically at the ridiculousness of it all to even be sad for a little bit. Last Edited By: phila09 09/18/08 03:16. Edited 1 time.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
storygirl		#97	[url]	[-]
AHC Board Regular Posts: 30 09/20/08 05:20	"When are you going to start trying again?" (3 weeks after our hbc!). This one I've gotten a few times. It seems like most people know that it's not appropriate to tell someone who lost a pet that they should replace it. This was our child, for god's sake! Give me a break. How insensitive and out of touch with what this all really means...
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
angel up in heaven		#98	[url]	[-]
AHC Veteran Posts: 124 09/21/08 07:07	The comment I got from my dear best friend was "well, it happened for a reason", and "you'll forget all about it when you'll have other children". EXCUSE ME?? Like children are replaceable?? My dh's uncle also came out with the comment: "you're still young" - I was still pregnant, mind you - it was a day after we found out the diagnosis, and about a week before we had the D&E in the hospital - I was rubbing my belly as if trying to cover my baby's ears so he won't hear anything! I know they mean well, and sometimes they just don't know what to say, but that's just outrageous! People just don't think before they talk. Mama to a perfect angel baby boy, AHC at 23w2d (March 6, 2008) due to Double Outlet Right Ventricular and Pulmonary Atresia.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
zilgags		#99	[url]	[-]
AHC Board Regular Posts: 1 10/01/08 06:22	I had a cornual pregnancy removed by laparotomy on Sept 18, 2008 at 11 wks 2 dys pregnant (I know this is earlier than others, but I hope it's okay I post here because it was a termination and not miscarriage). My uterus was resected and my part of my right tube removed. After the OB told me my uterus could not sustain a pregnancy post-resection, I asked her to tie the left tube too as I did not want to go through the heart-wrenching event of losing another living kicking baby. I do have twins, though this is still really awful to endure. Two nurses during my hospital stay (one OR nurse and one OB nurse) said to my husband and me "oh your young, you can try again". Apparently neither one did not read up on my case and what they were doing/had done to me. Great. Today on the phone my dad asked me if I felt like a gutted fish after surgery (way to go, very sensitive comment). The best though was the lactation consultant who came into my hospital room, congratulated my husband and me on our new baby, and asked if we needed help with breastfeeding. I kid you not. After we told her she has the wrong room she said "Is this room 30? My list says there's a baby, unless I wrote it down wrong". Uh...duh, you wrote it down wrong. No baby here - go to the pathology department if you want to see it. That was so abominable that I can almost laugh about now.
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts
angel2009		#100	[url]	[-]
AHC Board Regular Posts: 8 10/22/08 01:55	First stupid comment was by the nurses at the hospital at the night shift. She came to me and told me she thinks if I took any more pain killers I will start to become too dopey!! I looked at her and thought I AM GOING THREW THE WORST EXPERIENCE IN MY LIFE, IN SEVERE PAIN AND HAVE BEEN IN LABOUR FOR 24 HOURS WHERE THE END RESULT IS LOSING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND YOUR TELLING ME I MIGHT GET TOO DOPEY! They changed nurses after her and the second lady was a bit more understanding. Funny thing is i was following the pain medicatoin dosage that there doctors recommended for me! Nothing more nothing less. Second my mother in law was getting a little mad that i don't deel like going out to public areas. Going for walks around the house or to the doctors is the extent of my daily outings for the last 4 weeks. She asked me when r u going to act normal and start going out again. In my anger i told her when i have a healthy baby in my hands. She replied i'll give you a doll and put a diaper on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Interact My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Invite Blocking Ignore User's Posts

<< Previous Topic Next Topic >>

Yuku free message boards

Ignorant comments?

Quick Reply